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I went through my closet and all I could find to throw away were a truckload of reusable grocery bags and some old books.

I hate throwing away books as much as anyone but here are a few that are definitely leaving this apartment.

Book 1: Halo Two: The Official Guide. True Story: Bought because I’m too impatient to learn a game by actually playing it. Better Story: One day during final exams, I forgot I had to bring in an object that signified feminism for one of my women’s lit classes. This book was in my backpack and the presentation went something like this:

“Hi, my name is Brittany I want to thank the women who paved the way by being CEO’s and ProDom‘s and made it possible for young women like myself to play in a man’s world.” *Applause. Then another presenter got up and sang a super creepy and demented version of Jewel’s “You were meant for me” with her object, an acoustic guitar. Scary.

Book 2: 6 Pixels of Separation by Joel Mitchell. From Jan 1, 2008 to November 2009, I didn’t have a personal computer. So I bought a macbook out of the trunk of a BMW with too-dark tint. (I’m typing on it right now). The book is about social media and if you want it, go to the Goodwill on Michigan, I’m sure its not obsolete by now.

Book 3: Not Even A Hint: Guarding your Heart Against Lust by Josh Harris. This book was given to me by my loving mom to protect me against all of the douche-canoes I would encounter during my freshman year of college.

Dear Mom, it worked! It really did. I only got suckered by one douch-canoe in all of 2003. His name is Dicky.