My Big Fat Black(man) Tanksgiving

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I’ve written two posts now that WORDPRESS completely erased. *Hatehatehate

So two months have passed here in Wilmington and Dicky & I seem to be changing a bit. Its like the Southern Charm mixed with this weird, historic schtuff here and I come home to this:

Meatballs in a mini muffin tin. Bork Bork Bork

Anyway. Tim Blackman Senior & Timothy Blackman Junior & Tar Bag (the dog) came to Wilmington last week to the detriment of our waistlines. As my dad explains it: Tar gets these intense cravings for sugar, puts a gun to my dad’s head, and then forces him to buy treats for the whole family. Misery loves company.

Dad, Timothy, & I visited the USS North Carolina Battleship Museum, the Bellamy Mansion, ate local oysters, went to the beach, and did some other awesome things. We had a really great time. I’ve learned that the longer I live somewhere, the less I notice the beauty and charm of the city. It was nice to see Wilmington through my Dad’s eyes. I felt a lot of gratitude for moving to somewhere so cool. : )

Commanders of a great ship

We went to Thalian Hall which is a beautifully restored theater in the historic section. We live right downtown so we walked there to watch a comedy put on by the local Community College called ‘All In The Timing” by David Ives. Parts were funny, parts were hard to understand, but it was really fun to be there with my two handsome men, Dad & Rich. And, because it was so cold, I got to wear my Owl beanie, and that is awesome.

Hand me my owl hat so I can walk out of here with some dignity.

We’re driving home for Thanksgiving and it is going to be a party. I’m picturing something like Madea’s Big Fat Black(man) Tanksgiving. The guest list includes:

My whole family (dad, mom, 5 kids, plus 3 boyfriends)
Nana & Mike (Mom’s mother & step father)
Phil & Francis (Mom’s father & step mother)
Rich’s mom & step father
Rich’s 4 year old nieces
4 dogs

It will be wild and I will keep you posted.

Love, B

Adjusting to life with Cable Television

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The biggest adjustment so far from our move from Orlando to Wilmington, NC has been the addition of cable television. When my free cable was shut off back in 2008, I was too broke to pay for an actual subscription and after that, I felt way above TV and enjoyed the shock of revealing that I didn’t actually have one. Internet (and the occasional Hulu afternoon) filled my void and so for the last 3 years, I just haven’t had that constant noise of a TV or luxury of instant mind numbing.

But it’s football season and since Dicky is paying the bills till I find a job, there it is…a big huge TV with a million channels in our living room, which is the only place I can get Internet (for now, until we get a new router).

I think all this change has my emotional stability completely screwed, if not non-existent. Yesterday there was several episodes of Extreme Makeover, Home Edition and the text messages between my sister Brock and I went like this:

Me: I’m crying over the opening 10 minutes of extreme makeover home edition. I’m bored and not used to the emotional manipulation of television yet.

Brock: I was wondering how you were adjusting.

Me: OMG I’m crying again. What the hell is wrong with me?!?

Brock: I can’t watch that show either. Who’s the star?

Me: Ashley Tisdale who is totally lame but a family with 4 kids in an 800 sf house took on their 4 nieces and nephews so there is 10 living in a tiny tiny house.

Me: OMG!! All the kids got scholarships to college!

Me: And now their mortgage is paid too! I’M IN PIECES!!

An hour later.

Brock: I just caught the end of an episode and cried watching the reveal. It should be a crime to have such touching stuff on TV. Like a rating of “CLAB” (Cry Like A Baby) to steer us away.

Me: I’ve already changed my shirt because of the snot and tears on my sleeve.

Brock: OMG. Must. Stop. Watching. People with better hears than me.

GD you, Ty Pennington.

Why?!?

Batslayers

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In two weeks, I’ve slept in 5 different beds in 4 cites, reminding me of my rogue college days. But living like a nomad really isn’t bad. One suitcase and a computer bag makes for light traveling and a quick getaway if necessary.

My brother and excellent driving companion

Our trip up to Boone was quick, only lasted the weekend. And besides not doing much, we basically did nothing. Although by now,  I’ve read through almost the entire trilogy of the Hunger Games (ahhmazing) and eaten more ice cream and Frozen Yogurt since my departure than this entire summer.

We’ve made it all the way to Wilmington and though it felt lonely arriving in the small suburb outside of the city, our hosts have been super wonderful and made this transition easier. They’ve got a great place in Leland but we’ve all decided the better place to stay is across the river in Wilmington.

*Ohh and we hit a bat on the way in, right around Fort Bragg. Timothy found it this morning and pulled it’s tiny body out of the grill of our truck.

Poor widdle tiny batsky watsky

So we’ve found a really great place about 2 blocks from the river. omg, I just realized I don’t even know what it’s called…*googling…Cape Fear River. Probably named after the Cape Fear Community college situated right on the banks.

Although we were hoping for a nice house in the Historic district, we haven’t found one in our price range so we’re going to lease a beautiful condo on the top floor of an old building on 4th street. It’s already painted nice inside and has new appliances. We’re going to love it.

New Diggs!

It’s really small but we’re going to make room for our new roommate, Zach the Kodiak Bear (real bear, stuffed and mounted) that Dicky owns. It’s time to be reunited because they’ve been apart since he moved to Tulsa, OK. And although Timothy tried to spatula it to death in Orlando before we left, Zach prevailed and will be arriving soon.

On a side note, my aunt suggested that Zach the Kodiak Bear be the Best Man at our wedding. He immediately agreed and put on a tie.

Possible outfit for a future wedding.

And that’s it for now, folks. I’m off to the beach today and to sign lease papers.

Then she wrapped her knives in swaddling clothes. Or: Dicky & I are moving to North Carolina. Like…this Friday.

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Alternate title to this  post: The Dexter Morgan Starter Kit

Packing the apartment suuuccckkked. I actually used boxes this time instead of laundry baskets and reusable grocery bags from publix because we’re not moving apartment to apartment. We’re moving to Wilmington, NC.

Continue reading

The beginning of the end of my hoarding.

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I went through my closet and all I could find to throw away were a truckload of reusable grocery bags and some old books.

I hate throwing away books as much as anyone but here are a few that are definitely leaving this apartment.

Book 1: Halo Two: The Official Guide. True Story: Bought because I’m too impatient to learn a game by actually playing it. Better Story: One day during final exams, I forgot I had to bring in an object that signified feminism for one of my women’s lit classes. This book was in my backpack and the presentation went something like this:

“Hi, my name is Brittany I want to thank the women who paved the way by being CEO’s and ProDom‘s and made it possible for young women like myself to play in a man’s world.” *Applause. Then another presenter got up and sang a super creepy and demented version of Jewel’s “You were meant for me” with her object, an acoustic guitar. Scary.

Book 2: 6 Pixels of Separation by Joel Mitchell. From Jan 1, 2008 to November 2009, I didn’t have a personal computer. So I bought a macbook out of the trunk of a BMW with too-dark tint. (I’m typing on it right now). The book is about social media and if you want it, go to the Goodwill on Michigan, I’m sure its not obsolete by now.

Book 3: Not Even A Hint: Guarding your Heart Against Lust by Josh Harris. This book was given to me by my loving mom to protect me against all of the douche-canoes I would encounter during my freshman year of college.

Dear Mom, it worked! It really did. I only got suckered by one douch-canoe in all of 2003. His name is Dicky.

Butt Crack of dawn, again, on a Saturday

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3 Saturdays in a row, Dicky & I have been up before dawn for various activities.

Here was the conversation this morning:
Dicky: Look at this coupon we got again for Natural Bliss Creamer.
Me: Oh hell yeah! That is my jam. *finger dance and high five
Dicky: I think they have an actual soul scanner at Target and that’s how they know this coupon is the best way for us to come back.
Me: We’ve got to stop waking up so early….

PS: The suggested tags for this post include the entire cast of Twilight but no mention of cream or coffee. wth, wordpress??

PPS: This should have been posted on a Saturday, I know. Haters gonna hate.

Out of the circle of trust

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One year, I was feeling quite pious after starting to date a religious boy named schmoopie (correction to that sentence: we weren’t actually dating). We started hanging out during his divorce from a girl he described as a pretty party animal, from a wealthy family, named Brittany.

um…that sounds a lot like…me?

*Insert Red flag here. Continue reading

The most epic goose ever…

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Through a recent change in diet, Boyfriend & I have lost several inches. For him, this means his pants are a bit saggy and that, reader, gives me ample opportunities to poke my finger right in the top of his visible booty crack.

*ahhh….It’s the little things, amiright? Continue reading

Suckered into the Evil Dead Dance Studio

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My boyfriend and I have taken up ballroom dancing. I can’t say why, other than he wanted to learn and I’m always up for a challenge. We’ve found a fantastic studio now but it wasn’t always this easy…

Our first studio experience was basically a B movie zombie flick waiting to happen. At the first class, we were supposed to learn a few introductory steps but it was more like Zombie Conversion 101. Continue reading

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